Randomly Random Randomness Featuring The Cullens!
by Foxy 'mallow
Summary: just random stuff thats hopefully funny, OOC! I know theres plenty stories like this but i like them so i figured i'd write my own! R&R please!
1. Nethie, Bailey, and Matthew

**AN: ok, this was written with help from my best friend bailey, but it is based on a list of stupid things that me, bails, and matthew have done so enjoy and pleeeaaaase review! :)**

Geography class

A=Alice

B=Bella

E=Edward

B- Where's the great wall of China?

A- Uh, China

B- That's what Nethie said!

E- Who's Nethie?

B- I don't have a house!

E- Yes you do, Bella

B- Bailey doesn't either!

A- Bella are you okay?

B- Is class over?

A- There's still 45 minutes

B- And now I FAINT!

-Bella falls backwards off her chair-

E- Bella!

B- Owie

The teacher yells "Miss Swan! Is there a problem?" Edward answers in his most dazzling voice "No, there isn't" "I was talking to Isabella, Mr. Cullen" the teacher scolds

B- Haha! You got in troooouuuuble!

A- Why did you do that Bella?

B- I was hoping Edward would come save me, just like Bailey

E- Who?

B- Is 5x5 10?

E- No, love, that's five _plus_ five

B- Well Bailey thinks so!

"Mr. Cullen, will you please read the list of exports?" The teacher requests. Edward reads "Gold, Metal, Lumber, Iron ore"

B- or what?

E- What are you talking about?

B- You said iron _or_, or what?

E- Love, I said iron _ore_, o-r-e

B- Huh? Ooooh! Nethie made that mistake too!

A- Who?

B- Nethie

A- What kind of a name is Nethie?

B- The good kind!

E- We need to pay attention now

B- Boo you

After class walking down the hall, everyone is talking and all of a sudden Bella bangs into a door

B- Owie

E- Bella! Are you okay?

B- *sniffle*

A- Bella, what happened?

B- I did what Matthew did

A- Who is this Matthew you speak of?

B- You shall never know!

A- *rolls eyes*

B- Mwahahahahahahaaaaa

E- …


	2. Camp Rock

**AN: hey lookie what I found! I found a few different chapters, but I think I'm only gonna put this one on, when I read through it I laughed, I hope you people do too! **

Some random place, the Cullen house perhaps?

B= Bella

E= Edward

A= Alice

R= Rosalie

J= Jasper

B- Hasta la vista!

E- Bella, love that means goodbye

B- So?

E- This is the start of a conversation

B- Who's got what it takes to be my guy? What it takes to make me fry?

A- Bella, it's shy

B- Your point?

A- Oh never mind, go on

B- Who's got what it takes to be my bow?

A- -sighs- It's beau

B- heehee, that looks like a French word!

E- it is love

B- What it takes to make me grow!

A- It's-

E- Just leave it

A- Fine!

B- What it takes to make this beat GROW! Hey, why would they rhyme grow with grow?

A- You got the lyrics WRONG!

B- Maybe I gotsdid the lyrics wrong

A- I just said that! Bella, you are acting like you can't even hear me!

B- -takes headphone out of ear- Oh Alice, I can't even hear you! –puts headphone back in-

A- AAAH!

J- Calm down Alice

A- Ahh, calm as a cucumber

J- Of course

B- Start, start, start the party!

R- We're having a party?

A- No, Bella is listening to Camp Rock

R- O-M-G! I wanna listen too! –takes a headphone-

B- they tell you a good girl is quiet!

-windows shatter-

B- Oopsie!

R- Oh no! The battery's dying…dying…DEAD!

B- Ah boo hoo with sour stuff on top!

R- Totally!

B- We can sing without it, come on Rosieposie! WHO'S GO WHAT IT TAKES TO BE MY PIE!?

Everyone groans and walks away

B- Raise your hands up in the air and scream! We're finding our voice following moon beams!

**Hey, did anybody catch the almost charmed quoting? Review?**


	3. Giant ant vs Edward

**AN: Thanks to Hannie (lol) and Matthew (he doesn't have a nickname) for the help in this chapter**

B= Bella

E= Edward

Em= Emmett

C= Carlisle

The Cullen house

B- Where do babies come from?

E- I am not explaining that to you

B- Pleeeeaaase?

E- No, sorry love

Em- I'll tell you Bella!

E- *laughs* Do _you_ even know Emmet?

Em- Of course, when a mommy and a daddy really love each other, they go down to the cabbage patch and pick out a baby!

B- Really?

E- *shakes head sadly*

Em- Yes, that's exactly how it happens, I read it somewhere…

E- That is NOT how it happens

Em- Well then how does it?

E- *sighs* Perhaps you should ask Carlisle

C- Yes children?

B- What would happen if you put ants in the microwave?

C- Well, I suppose they would explode

B- Hey Emmett! Didya hear that!?

Em- Can't you just picture ants esploding?

B- What would happen if you put Edward's head in the microwave?

E- Hey!

Em- *giggle* He would eat the dead ants!

B- Then his head would get stuck!

Em- Then a giant ant would appear who wants to take over the world!

E- Good god

B- So Edward rips the microwave off his head

Em- But when he sees the giant ant he screams like a girl and runs away!!

E- Hey!

B- *giggles*

Em- And since the ant is from Mars it can sneeze bananas!

B- Then the universe splits in 2!

**Well that turned out nicely, thanks again Hannie and Matthew! But I think that cabbage patch thing was Cody…**


	4. CREATIONS!

**Note: Just for this chapter everyone is human**

B= Bella

E= Edward

A= Alice

J= Jasper

Em= Emmett

The Cullen house

B- You know what Edward?

E- What, love?

B- You're preeeetty

E- Um, thank you?

B- Your welcome?

A- You know what would be fun?

B- What Alice?

A- We should have a BUBBLE BATH!

B- Whoo HOO! YEAH! You can wear your bathing suit and I shall wear mine!

Em- That's sketchy

B- Emmie! You wanna come too?

E- That wouldn't be strange at all, Bella, Alice what is wrong with you?

A- Bella made CREATIONS!

E- Oh dear god, what was in these?

B- Milk, and sugar and chocolate sauce and iced coffeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!

E- And you fed this to ALICE!?

B- Yes Eddyboy!

A- BwaHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA

J- Why do Alice and Bella feel weird?

A- Jazzyboy!!! I want you on the couch!

J- What?

A- I want you EVERYWHERE! AND SOME DAY I SHALL GET YOU!!!

Em- Get a room

B- DARK CHOCOLATE MAKES YOU HORNY!!!

E- Alrighty then Bella

A- I want you in my hooooouuuuse! Let's goooooOO, let's gooooOO!

Alice starts dancing around and singing

Whoo hoo, whoo hoo hoo!

LET'S DO THE TIME WARP AGAIN!!!!!

**Okay, my sister had her friend over and she made the "CREATIONS" and got really hyper and she said most of these things, it was absolutely hilarious!**


	5. IT'S RAINING IT'S POURING

**B= Bella**

**E= Edward**

The Cullen House

B- It's raining it's pouring the old man is boring he went to bed without a head and couldn't get up in the morning!

E- I don't think those are the words…

B- What a lazy man he is, I was up in the middle of the night and I still got up this morning

E- Why were you up?

B- The thunder was booming and crashing too loud! It woke me up!

E- Were you scared?

B- No…my teddy bear was so I _had_ to snuggle with him

E- You were scared

B- I WAS NOT! Theodore was!

E- Who?

B- That's Teddy's full name!

E- A teddy bear named Teddy, very original Bella

B- STOP MAKING FUN OF ME! I was two okay?

E- Whatever you say, love

B- Meanie

**An: Okay, so it was storming last night and the thunder was extremely loud and it woke me up at 3:30 in the morning, yes I have a teddy bear named Teddy/Theodore. The scared/snuggling thing may or may not be true.**

**Review! Pleeeeaaaase? With a cherry on top? With two?**


	6. It's A Unicorn Named Bob!

B= Bella

E= Edward

A= Alice

Math Class

It's a unicorn named Bob!

E- What? Oh, why did you turn the pi symbol into a unicorn?

B- It's a unicorn named Bob!

E- Okay, Bob then

B- Phil

E- Fine, Phil

B- It's Jack!

A- Look! It's a unicorn named Matthew!

B- Now Bob has a friend!

E- I thought his name was Jack…

B- What's that?

A- What?

B- Between his legs…

A- Wha- oh, that's a TAIL!

B- Okay…

A- IT'S A TAIL!

B- Uh huh

**An: My friend Jessy one day was writing the pi symbol on peoples hands and she wrote it on mine, then changed it into a unicorn, which I then named Bob, then changed to Phil and as soon as Jess called it Phil I changed it to Jack, but now refer to him as Bob. The next day Matthew drew another unicorn and drew something strange between his legs which I'm sure was a tail.**

**If you're happy and you know it click review! If you're happy and you know it type what you think! Okay so that last line doesn't work, but whatever, you don't even have to be happy, just review, please?**


	7. The Mitchy chapter!

**I let my friend Mitchy read this and he decided he wanted to be in a chapter, so this chapter is for Mitchy.**

B= Bella

Em= Emmet

M=Mitchy

Em- I know something you don't know!

B- Omg! What!?

Em- Well, more like some_one_!

B- Ooooo! Whooo!?

Em- You know your friends, Nethie, Matthew, and Billy?

B- Gasp! How did you know her name is now Billy!?

Em- I have a spy on the inside! Mitchy!

B- Mitchy! Mitchy! How did you meet Mitchy!?

Em- Once again, not important, but now I know all about Nethie and her strange named friends!

B- Noooo! You lie!

Em- Wanna bet?

B- Nooooooo! How will I ever go on! Mitchy's gonna get it for this! I'll send the unicorn named Boberto and the vampire named Jimmy after him!

Em- You wouldn't!

B- Aaaaaah! Mitchy's attacking! RUUUN!

Em- You mean he's REAL!? O_O

M- Mwahaha! OMGOMG IT'S THE TWILIGHT PEOPLES!

Em- O_O

B- AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!

M- OMGOMG your book is gay

B- Meanie. Wait, I have a book!?

**The unicorn named Boberto is another unicorn that got drawn on my hand and the vampire Jimmy is what I drew on Matthew's hand. There ya go Mitchy, happy with your chapter?**


	8. Nuffin muffins

B=Bella

A=Alice

Em=Emmet

B- I'm booored!

A- Me toooo!

Em- Hi!

B- Whatcha up to Emmy?

Em- Nuffin

B- Heehee that looks like muffin!

Em- _You_ look like a muffin!

B- Heehee I look like a muffin! A nuffin muffin! I look like a muffin a mu-u-uffin!

**This is basically a conversation that happened between me and my cousin on messenger the other night, sorry for the shortness, but hey a short chapter's better than none, right? Review? Please and thank you! **


	9. Sparkles!

B= Bella E= Edward

**Em= Emmett**

J= Jasper

B- I made a liiiiipgloss!!!!!

Em- :O How!?

B- With ma awesome lipgloss maker! Now I smell like the scenty stuff!

Em- Mmmm, what flavour?

B- Strawberry-chocolate flavoured :)

Em- Can I eat it? It sounds tasty!

B- No! You can't have my lipgloss! Besides, I put a crapload of sparkles in it, you'd choke, which _would_ be amusing…you'd be choking on LIPGLOSS!

Em- Don't be mean!

B- I think it would make a wonderful story for the paramedics

Em- How much sparkles can there **possibly** be?????

B- A whole big bunch!

J- You use lipgloss Emmett!?

Em- No, but I eat it!

J- AND SMEAR IT ALL OVER YOUR FACE!

Em- Sometimes…

E- He wouldn't choke unless there was a big cluster and Emmett, you're a vampire, you don't eat FOOD let alone LIPGLOSS

B- There's so much sparkles he would choke anyway! Kiss me Edward! And you'll see!

Em- Eeeeeeew

J- *gags*

**AN: This is basically just comments on my facebook status "**Heehee I just played with my lipgloss maker for the first time in soo long :P now i smell like the scent stuff xD" **What Emmett says is mostly what Mitchy said, what Bella said is mostly what I said, what Jasper said is mostly what Brian said and what Edward said was mostly what Matthew said. (No I did not ask **_**anyone**_** to kiss me :P)**


	10. RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!

B= Bella

**A= Alice**

B- RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!!!!!!

A- Why?

B- SCHOOL'S COMING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A- AAAAAH!

B- We need an escape plan NOW!

A- Running for our lives isn't the escape plan?

B- Well…we need a plan B! _I_ came up with this plan, there'll be flaws!

A- Yeah, like the fact you can't even walk without falling down

B- Don't be mean Alice

A- Anyway, what's plan B gonna be????

B- You're a vampire, can you eat the school?

A- Yeeeaaah, I'll get right on that, but incase that doesn't work, we need a plan C

B- Ummmmmmmm

Ummmmmmm

Ummmmm

Ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

Got it!

A- What!?

B- Alice, we're moving to France to be speedboat salesmen!

**Omg! This is magical chapter 10! Yay!!! So anyway,me and Hannie more or less had this conversation, Bella= me Alice= Hannie, review?**


	11. Stupid Psychic Vampire

B= Bella A= AliceHistory Class

B- How do you get the answer!?

A- It's a simple matter of reading between the lines

B- But, there's nothing between them! There's not aspossed to be! It's just blank white space!!!

A- Wow

B- Wait! Can you see something between them with your super vampire eyes!?!?

A- Oh yeah, it says "Bella is freakin' smart!"

B- I'm smart!?

A- *sighs* I was being sarcastic!

B- Well how was I aspossed to know!?

A- Nevermind, Bella

B- Does this mean I'm not smart!?

A- Oh, what a shame, there's the bell

B- The bell didn't-

The bell rings

Tada!

Alice runs out of the classroom

Stupid psychic vampire

Bella gets up and trips

"Alice! You KNEW this was going to happen!" She screams at the now empty classroom, then walks out muttering to herself.

Tada! The third chapter in one day! Although if it would've let me "Sparkles!" would have been on yesterday. I realized that I had this written somewhere so I went to find it and I did! It's kind of old, I wrote it last year and if I remember correctly Bails and I were doing a stupid history assignment together and this was what happened. As usual Bella was me and Alice was Bails. Review!? Pleeeeaaaaaase? I'll be your best friend…


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